Sure, Facebook's Fun

As far as being involved in the ‘technical’ side of life, I would say I have a good grip on it. I’m not too tangled up in the “world wide web”, but I’d say I know the basics. I know how to search the internet, for instance. I know that all you have to do is type a little word into the Google search bar and hundreds upon thousands upon millions upon billions of related websites and pages pop up. I also know, as a rule, not to use Bing. For if I search for my searches on Bing, I will be shunned from the rest of the world. Completely and forever.

Of course, that’s just something we say to scare the children. You’re not really going to be judged if you use Bing.

Much.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m quite internet-savvy. I have a number of sophisticated accounts on a number of sophisticated websites. Surfing the web is something I do quite often, like most people in fact!

I understand most website crazes. For example, Twitter. I can honestly say that I am a recovering Twitterholic. Hours, days, weeks even months at a time used to be spent on that miracle of the website. Then I discovered the sun and realised what a beautiful, bubbling world the place is. In fact, you can follow me here.

One website I will never understand, however, is Facebook.

It rises from the fiery pits of hell, spitting hot, burning ash, screaming in battle. Those who dare to travel near enough, end up being sucked in and they never return. The main colour of Facebook is blue; blue like ice and cold. Only, there is a secret colour of Facebook… A colour that only the few of us know. And that colour is red. Like the blood of their enemies.

Innocent social media website? Or evil minion of satan? You decide.

There a number of signs to look out for when you think a website may be an evil website.

The people you hate
Though I must admit there is always people you hate with everything, Facebook seems to conjure up an extreme. Never before did I think I could see all the people I greatly dislike on one website: until Facebook.
They’re all there with their little status updates about stupid things that no-one cares about. They’ll usually put something like, “mint xbox for sale 100,000 quid’ or ‘what goes round comes round u best remember’. Or perhaps the worst of all: ‘inbox me xoxoxo’.
Now, I’m not saying everyone talks like this because they don’t. But there are all these people I added in Year 7, when I was small and gullible, before realising that they were going to turn out to be the stuff of nightmares. Nightmares stem from EVIL.

The selfie
Honestly, people in real life don’t look like the people in their selfies. I won’t name and shame but last week I saw a girl I knew on Facebook and thought, “Wow, she looks happy and different since school. She never used to wear make-up. What a difference!”
I saw her a few days after in real life and she looked exactly how she used to always look.
Why lie, people? Lies stem from EVIL.

The pointless pictures
Yes, I know it’s snowing outside. Everyone knows it’s snowing outside. My mother just told me it’s snowing outside. I’m getting various texts informing me that it is snowing outside. I can see that it’s snowing outside. We don’t need to be reminded of what we already know - That it’s snowing outside. Snow stems from - Actually, I quite like snow.

The bragging statuses
Okay, so you may have gotten an A***** on the hardest exam you’ve ever done and you may get high grades after every mock and you may have passed your driving test and ran into Lady Gaga on the way home. But you know what? Why don’t you tell it to your loving friends and family, who may actually care? Bragging is clearly showing off and showing off stems from EVIL.

When people take over their friend’s Facebook accounts
Everyone ever has seen these. The people who invite their friends over to their houses and just happen to leave their Facebook pages up on their computers/ laptops/ tablets/ phones. This is a dangerous move, as their friends think it’s fitting to type out absolutely hilarious statuses for their friends. Absolutely hilarious, side splitting, so-funny-I’m-actually-crying-with-laughter statuses which aren’t childish at all. Something so mature such as, ‘I like to eat dog food.’ What a hoot.
But it’s not a hoot, is it? It’s mean and childish. And we all know mean children stem from EVIL.

The photos
Last but not least, I’d like to address the image aspect of Facebook. And no, I don’t mean “the selfie”. I’m referring to the other photos.
The photo side of Facebook is a dark side. Now, I’m not alluding to the loving family photos, which your mother may insist on putting on Facebook. We’ve all had to suffer there. I’m talking about these photo types:
The “ain’t my dog cute?” photo - No.
The “I look a mess but photo” - We all know this is for attention. No.
The photoshoots - No.
The photos at Pizza Hut - No.
The “my friend wasn’t looking so I took a picture of her” - No.
The “every two second photos” - No.
Don’t forget kids, photos stem from EVIL.

So I have offered more than enough proof that Facebook is the spawn of the devil and I can only hope that you’ll listen to me and do the right thing. The first step is admitting that you need to get out of there.

And if you’re new to Facebook, I’d suggest you delete your account now before you get sucked up into the world of selfies and statuses.

My advice would be:

Run.

Get out of there now.

Never look back.

If you can’t do this on your own, email me for a hotline number. Together, we can do this.

Thank you for reading.

Unpopular Opinions: Summer

UNPOPULAR OPINION APPROACHING.

I know I probably shouldn't say this on the internet, but I find the summer slightly annoying.

*DUCKS*

Yes, it’s true - your eyes most certainly are not deceiving you - that is what I just said. I find the summer slightly annoying. If anything, I prefer the cold over the hot, the cloudy sky over the blaring sun, and another thing associated with not-summer over something else associated with summer. By now, I’m sure most of you are planning to take up arms and attack this very blog post, but at least allow me to explain myself.

I’m not a fan of high temperatures. Now, I will acknowledge that I live in England, and that we very rarely get these high temperatures anyway, but I’m talking about above average for England. In the warm weather I always end up sweating (that’s unattractive) and having to wear short-sleeved shirts (which is also unattractive), and my parents keep encouraging me to sit outside in the lovely sun. The only problem with that, as I keep reminding them, is a very simple one - can’t see my phone screen whilst sat in the sun. How am I meant to text Anna?

There are many other things you can’t do outside in the sun. For example, you can’t go on the computer because it’s inside the house. I cannot write things like this outside unless I use my tablet - and I only really use that in creative writing lessons so I can kind of show off a little (I admit it). This is when my mother goes on the counterattack with how gorgeous the flowers look and that you can get a suntan! True, my garden can be really pretty, especially in the summer, but it’s not worth missing out on precious minutes of writing just to sit down and drink some orange juice with ice cubes in it. Also, my skin looks like I have a permanent suntan, and whilst it can get darker if I don’t spend a while in the sun, I don’t see how it is particularly worth it.

Whenever I go outside, I have this thing (which is the only way I can describe it) where I have to squint and keep one eye closed because it’s sensitive to sunlight. DON’T PANIC - I’m not a vampire, but it is incredibly annoying. Whenever I wear sunglasses, they also seem to do very little, and really don’t suit me. This is why my favourite solution to this problem is to wear a hat. One of the ones that extends over your eyes to shield off the sun. I would call it a baseball cap, but I’m not American, so my morals simply won’t allow it. From this another problem arises - I don’t own one. And believe me, I have tried looking in shops for them (usually when it already is summer because I have forgotten in the run up to summer, so I’m walking through the shops squinting with my left eye closed trying to read the price labels on the accessories as some shop assistant is trying to show off their selection of sunglasses to me, which I don’t want in the first place!) but they are always stupidly overpriced just for some N /Y} logo or whatever it says on them. I just want a hat to stop the sun from getting in my eyes. Is that too much to ask? Is it?

If it gets really hot, sometimes I will have to resort to wearing an item of clothing known as ‘shorts’ - and that very rarely goes well for me. First off, the pair of shorts I own now don’t even fit me, and I really do not see how that is advantageous for anybody. I’ve had enough of wearing shorts in school PE lessons, and they were most certainly not the best of experiences. Secondly, if I go out and buy some new ones, I may end up having to wear them. It’s a dilemma which cannot be resolved one way or another: if I don’t buy the shorts, I’ll have to wear ones which don’t fit; if I do buy the shorts, I’ll have to wear them more often. Thankfully, this problem only comes about when summer does as well, so I spend my days in the autumn relaxing in the knowledge that I can wear these normal trousers for at least the following seven months .

Don’t even talk to me about how hot it is inside college. When you are at home, it is perfectly fine if it is hot, because I can cool myself down with the fan, or the electric fan, or even wear a short sleeved shirt. But at college, it’s a whole different tale; and this one is most certainly grim. You’re trying to concentrate on the words the teacher is saying, but it’s far too warm for that. I have to keep brushing my hair off my forehead, although I suppose you could argue that’s my fault. It’s very hot and very sweaty, but you can’t go to your bag and get a drink. Somebody else is reading their work out in the quietest voice known to humanity, and the sound of the zip on your bag is fifty times louder than their voice. When they have finally finished reading out their trilogy of ten novels they’ve written in lesson, and everybody else is clapping, you can unzip the zip, lift the drink to your lips and…

It’s warm.

The drink is warm. Well, isn’t that helpful? You want to stop, but you have to keep drinking. This is what you’ve worked so hard to get to - you can’t just put it down now. Besides, you need drink, you’re far too warm to go without it, so you keep going until the bottle is finished. You check your watch and it’s 10:00 AM, and you have four lessons still to go. And it’s all summer’s fault.

Yes, I am just going on and on and basically complaining - but I have been told that’s what I do best. I even complain at series 8 of Doctor Who. I know, right?

Original Characters in the World of Role-Play

For those who don't know, roleplaying online is where real life people create a character -or a series of characters in some people's case - from TV shows, books, or even their own imagination.

These characters can be created on a number of online platforms, usually Twitter or Facebook, where an account of the character is made, complete with pictures and descriptions. It’s really quite remarkable.

Personally, I believe Twitter is the easiest for online role-playing, but Facebook is cooler. After all, how amazing would it be if Peeta Mellark commented on your status?

But due to majority vote (or maybe it has something to do with the fact that I don’t have any idea about Facebook), I’ll be stressing about Twitter role-plays.

Here I’m talking about original characters in the role-playing world, more commonly known as 'OCs', for short. Way back in the day (yes, I’m referring to last year) OCs were uncommon. The roleplaying world was dominated ruthlessly by main characters from TV shows, fighting it out amongst each other about who’s the best, allowing their follower counts to be the judge of their own writing skills.

Now, picture a little account, brand new and just born, wandering into the world of roleplaying with their bright, sparkly eyes. So naive. So young.

Late nights and early mornings would provide the time for them to think of a character, someone so original that not even J. R. R Tolkien’s land of Mordor could compete. Hours would go into this character. Hours that the roleplayer would never be able to get back. It would take them days just to think of a catchy username, simple and easy to remember, but with just the right amount of sass, humour, happiness and heartbreak.

They’d explore, beginning as an optimist, allowing their keen senses to tell them what to tweet and what not to tweet. (By ‘keen senses’ I mean searching the roleplay accounts with the most followers, deciphering which tweets work well for them and which don’t).

And finally, after weeks of planning, stalking, blood, sweat and tears, they’d find a Doctor Who, Marvel or even one of the very few Star Wars accounts (sorry, Aaron)... They’d walk up to them, trembling from head to foot and say in a shaking, frightened voice: “Please Sir, can we RP?”

Silence. Stretching as long as it takes a series of Sherlock to be made.

And then… AND THEN, just when the little OC would be about to faint, throw up, or anything else unpleasant your imagination could come up with…

There wouldn’t even be a reply.

Granted, the role-playing world isn’t as biased as it once was, and role-players don’t spend months agonising over a character so perfect, there isn’t any room for development, but there is still that uncertainty regarding the original character spectrum. Not every OC is the same, but there are trends amongst them, which allows the biased to return, especially when they fall into these categories:

Bad OCs with lots of followers

Now, every roleplayer has met one of these at some time in their roleplaying life. The characteristics of these usually include a user name of "@sexy'name' " or something else along those lines. Their profile picture would be a celebrity no-one has heard of or someone everyone has heard of - Emma Watson. And, of course, their picture would be blurry.

Stay away from these role players. They're dangerous beings with dangerous grammar mistakes and a tendency not to check their own tweets.

You’ll recognise them from their constant messages of “RP?” “RP???” “RP??????????”

And when you finally agree to role-play with them, they’ll make you come up with a plot line and an idea of how to start off. Not them, you.

You may well be thinking, ‘Well, how can someone this bad and inconsiderate get all these followers?’

Smut, my friend, smut. Minutes and hours and days and weeks of endless, appallingly spelled smut. Not even smut with a backstory and a reason. They’ll probably be pregnant too, and have their baby merely days after.

Now, I’m not saying all role-play accounts with blurry pictures should be avoided with a cross and a barrel of holy water. God, no! Some people might just be young, bright-eyed and new to the whole idea, not really knowing what they’re doing.

But as soon as a blurry picture with that sexy name and the hundreds of RP partners approaches you and tweets in a horrifying whisper: “RP…”

You know it’s time to run.

Good OCs with lots of followers

These are basically what it says on the tin. They’re good, really good. Actual thought out backstories and interesting, deeply developed characters. If you have chance to role-play with these bad boys, you know you’re doing alright.

In fact, I suggest you do make an effort with these characters because they need it. They’ll probably be aspiring authors, desperate to try out their characters in a spontaneous, interesting fashion.

However, a lot of them don’t have people climbing up onto their bandwagon, which is sad. Other role-players tend to go for the characters they know, like the millions of Sherlocks and Harry Potters and Katniss Everdeens, who are so original. I can’t even understand how original and not samey- samey they are.

Or they tend to go with the bad original characters for constant smut scenes.

These good OCs are usually left out in the dark.

OCs who think they are God’s gift to Earth, Heaven, all the other planets in existence, the planets that haven’t even been created yet and then some

Now, these ones I greatly dislike. They sit, perched on their throne, untouchable, while people throw themselves on the ground to kiss they shoes, releasing cries of, “Oh, your character is amazing! We are not worthy! Let me pray to you like the God you are!”

I think there’s nothing wrong with people telling them they’re good. In fact, I welcome it. Compliments on original characters go a long way, especially when the writer of the character doesn’t have a lot of compliments.

What I don’t like is when these characters ignore everyone else, because they don’t want to role-play or don’t ‘have time’. Seriously? They may have made it to 900+ followers, but seriously?

Is it so hard to put out a ‘Sorry, I can’t RP right now’ instead of cold blanking, leaving the tweetee to stare off into the oblivion? They think they’re so good that no-one else deserves their tweets. That’s it! Isn’t it?

Well, if you’re one of those accounts I’m on about and you disagree with me completely, look at it from everyone else’s view and have some consideration. It doesn’t take two seconds to type out, ‘No, thank you.’

Problem solved and no-one else thinks you’re a rubbish person.

The ‘out of character’ OCs

These accounts can be very annoying. I would know, I used to be one of them.

They seem unable to grasp that on their role-playing account, they’re a different person. Their constant out of character tweets clutter up the timeline, with comments as yesterday as Miley Cyrus’s shocking performances.

A few examples of out of character tweets I’ve seen are as follows:

• I’m having pie for tea
• No-one likes me
• Wow, the rain right now
• God bless America
• I hate my mum
• Help, my house is burning down

We do not need to know any of these.

The one word replier OCs

Like the out of character OCs, these OCs are also so much fun to see and role-play with.They’re so good, you might even find them in the ‘Bad OCs with lots of followers’ category.

You’ll know which ones I’m on about when you send a tweet like this:

‘He glances down into her beautiful, big blue eyes, as blue as all the blue oceans put together, and he slowly moves his gentle fingers down her blonde, silky, beautiful, gorgeous, smooth, satin, golden hair. He pulls her close, tilting her chin up with the romance of a thousand cupids and whispers in an astonished, heart wrenching, gentle, love-filled voice: “I love you.”’

And then you get a reply like so:

‘Same.’

No description, no dialogue and not a thing you can do about it. The effort put into these tweets is similar to the effort of David Cameron trying to run the country. You can’t argue with them, they just don’t care. You either need to find a new role-play partner or be miserable for the rest of your existence.

OCs which belong to a certain fandom but use the same actors in the show of that fandom

As confusing as that title is, everyone knows who I’m talking about.

They’ll have made an OC belonging to the world of Doctor Who, someone so original and so interesting. Their character has grammar, spelling and appropriate punctuation which makes you want to weep with relief. They have depth, an interesting backstory everyone can explore. And they’re funny, having you crying with laughter with every tweet.

There’s only one problem.

Their profile picture is Peter Capaldi.

I don’t understand what possesses people to do this. How on earth can The Doctor walk up to this man and not notice that they have the same face. Can’t they have a Peter Capaldi OC in the -I don’t know - world of Glee? Surely, that would make more sense. No?

So, there you have it. There are many other types of OCs and I’m aware that not everyone fits into these categories, or some might fit into more than one. Every OC is unique, but not always good.

Nonetheless, some are very good and are desperate for someone to write with, which should always be accounted for when an OC follows you.

Thank you for reading! I’d like to stress that this article is not made to offend anyone, so don’t take it too seriously. If you could comment with your thoughts - what you liked, what you didn’t like - we’d be thrilled.

Over to you, Aaron.

Novels VS Films

Reading a novel versus watching a film is a much debated topic these days. Well, it certainly used to be. The legendary Roald Dahl loathed the television, writing a whole poem on it, most famously saying:

"IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND!"

Yes, with caps lock. Granted, he was talking about children, but is it all that bad? Is it a better idea to read only the novel? Or maybe we should just watch the film and be done with it in a couple of hours. Of course, this is all my opinion, and it would be interesting to know what you lot also think. After you read the article, please feel free to leave a comment down below.

Novels that have become films
The list of novels that have been made into films is literally (well, perhaps not ‘literally’. Maybe ‘practically’) endless. Lord of the Rings, the Fault In Our Stars, Harry Potter, Hitchhiker's; I’m sure you know more than I do. The point is, the general consensus, at least that I’ve heard, is that the novel is always better than the film.

Surely we can’t judge films by the same criteria we judge novels! Let’s take a look at novels for a second. Books have to have a ‘hook’, a catchy opening to ensure we’re grabbed by it to keep reading. The only films that have to have catchy openings are ones on TV - if you’re sat in the cinema, then you are there until that film ends. I suppose you could walk out if you don’t like it, but you’re not getting your money back, and I like getting my money’s worth (hey, I’m British). Contrastingly, films need good advertisement, such as adverts, posters, trailers, to ensure you actually go to watch it, and personally I have never seen a book advert on TV.

So when someone has read the novel and then watched the film and decided to preach the obviously true belief that the novel is “way better than that rubbish film,” make sure you’re a little skeptical. They may just naturally enjoy novels more than they do films, or have a strong dislike for films in general. Or they may not like you, and tell you to go and see a really bad film, or tell you not to go and see a really good one, but that all depends upon who you are and how nice you are to other people (let's hope you don't fall under that criteria then - sorry!).

Of course, opinions can be influenced by what you grew up with (I personally hate the new look of Bob the Builder since they changed him, but that may be just me), like if you grew up with the 1989 Batman, then the Dark Knight trilogy may be a little too much for you. Applying the same principle, if you grew up reading the Lord of the Rings, and then you decided to watch the films in the early 2000s, you may find yourself hating them for not making Frodo be a bit shorter, or what have you. Same with the Terry Pratchett novels. I loved reading them, it was a marvellous experience being absorbed into the DiscWorld. When I watched the film, I also enjoyed it, just not as much as the novel. I don’t know if that speaks more about the quality of the movie or whether I just enjoy movies less.

Some amazingly deep thinkers have conjured up the solution to read the novel and watch the film. But which do you do first?

Read the novel or watch the film FIRST?
Reading the novel is generally perceived as a more intellectual task than popping a DVD on. The only reason I can see for this is you actually have to process words. But, fact of the matter is, these days films have a much wider reach. It’s a group activity, whereas reading a novel is very much a solo experience. Even book meetups are just discussing the novel, not even reading it together!

The opinion of most people (at least the loudest people on the internet) is that you must read the novel first! YOU MUST YOU MUST YOU MUST. The argument is as follows - if you have watched the film and then you decide to read the novel, all the way throughout you will be picturing the character as perceived in the film.

The wonderful and amazing Anna, who co-writes this blog (I’m not in a relationship with myself I’ll have you know) read the Fault in our Stars way before the film even began production. The way she conceptualised Hazel Grace had black and red hair, and if you’ve seen the film then you’ll know it’s just brown.

However, I watched the film, with Anna no less, and I have not read the novel (although I want to)! People said to me that if I did such a thing, then I would definitely be completely unable to enjoy the story. Such people must obviously have been wrong, as I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Films that have become novels
“Well well well Aaron,” I hear you say. “Now what about novels that start out as films? This is a whole different matter. The novelisation of a film can definitely be much worse than the film itself compared to novels that become films. The Matrix is a prime example. The film was enjoyable (well, good at least), but reading the novel just makes you wish you were eating that gloop instead...

There is one interesting example I have to talk about, which I even grew up with, and that is the matter of Star Wars. When I was a child, they were just releasing Episodes I, II, and III, but my love for the original trilogy was strong. I thought they were amazing films (I still watch them every few months), but the novelisations of the films were… Not appealing, to say the least. All they did was describe the events in the film without any extra characterisation, feelings, or anything else we could expect from a novel that we don’t get in a film. We may as well have been reading the script.

But it’s the other Star Wars novels where my heart lies. The Jedi Search series, for example, is part of the Expanded Universe of Star Wars, and it tells the events which take place after Return of the Jedi. Luke now runs a Jedi Academy, and Mara Jade turns up and there’s the Solo children and the Skywalker and children and yeah. Now, even though it technically isn’t a novelisation of a specific film, just the franchise, does it still count in this argument? To be honest, I don’t think anybody knows any more.

So Aaron? What's your verdict? Where did you go with this article?!
In the end, it may be the skill of either the author, or the actors or director that determines whether you prefer the film or the novelisation. I prefer the Lord of the Rings film to the novel, but I favour the Hitchhiker’s Guide novels over the films. It’s all a matter of preference, and has nothing to do with novels or films as a whole.

So this whole article was pointless. Well, thank you for taking the time to read it. And if you skipped to the end, I hope you don’t do that with the novels you read.

At least you can’t do that with films in the cinema.

Being Careful

This is just, as the title would suggest, me being careful. Not being a Blogger expert, I have to make sure these things work, and that I can post from my personal account.

Yes, this time it's just me - Aaron, and not Anna. Hopefully this will keep things a little more organised.

Okay, but really, you just wasted your time reading this post. Go and read one of the other posts; you know, the ones that are actually about something.

Hello world!

Greetings, greetings, greetings. Welcome, one and all, to a blog about issues which most likely affect both you and me. Well, you and us, for we are more than one! We are Aaron and Anna, a couple who live over three hundred miles apart. So, as you can imagine, we have a lot to say - and this is where we say it.

So, thank you for reading this post and hopefully for reading the blog!